Crucifixus
getting off my cross
I know what kind of church I’m in by how my back maps the pew. Am I curved into an unnatural smallness? Or straight and sure as an arrow?
📍Resurrection Sunday. Atlanta, Georgia.
My throat strangles itself with joy listening to the body of Christ sing. It is a right and good and joyful thing to worship creation. When humans sing together, we are awake as one. It’s easier to remember you are a part of something beyond lifetimes. Age to age the same. Most live music breaks me open these days. I used to never cry, certainly not from joy. But I’ve grieved scorched earth now. Everything moves you when you’ve lost. Ecstasy is less sure, seized with both hands as much as possible
Christian nationalism devotes its efforts to conditioning us to never know what we possess. From understanding that the son of god was only ever asking to reveal us to us. They don’t want you to know once you go back to yourself, your perspective changes ley lines and the architecture of time.
Emmanuel,
god with us.
Where two or three are gathered and paying attention.
During the Libra full moon, I acknowledged another death. I’ve been ready to end. End the versions of myself that pull me back down the abyss with them. “We’re dead! So why aren’t you?” they call out.
But the Spirit knows: “I can’t say I believe in God and call myself a child of God and then not see myself as a God. I know my history. I did my research. I’m a creator of all things.” - Black is King
I close my eyes and breathe with you. This breath spans wars, centuries, weddings, and generations. We have known darkness, and ask for eternal life in the midst of it. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. We’ll never know the other exists, but are connected all the same. Taking hands in hushed liturgy, I chant to awaken the living word. I pray for your healing and you for mine.
Christ was 33 when he was crucified. 33 years to reconcile how I crucified myself.
I loved you and I detested you.
I wanted you dead.
I wanted you small.
I wanted you missing.
I wanted you overworked.
I wanted you sick.
I wanted you well.
I wanted you loved.
I wanted you ignored.
I wanted you empty.
I want you fulfilled.
Now, I arise and call you blessed.
Resurrection Playlist:
If you feel insignificant
You better think again
Better wake up because
You're part of something way bigger
You're part of something way bigger
Not just a speck in the universe
Not just some words in a bible verse
You are the living word
You're part of something way bigger
Bigger than you‚ bigger than we
Bigger than the picture they framed us to see
God descends and I ascеnd
We meet in the middle
A stab or two I’ve taken from life
She disarmed me and I’m grateful for it
And throw brown sugar over my coffin
And stay awake until the light returns again
Promise that you’ll protect me
Me and my name in my absence
Me, who come from the stars
Today I turn into dust
To return with them
Dios desciende
Y yo asciendo
Nos encontramos
En el medio
Algún que otro navajazo
Me he llevado de la vida
Ella a mí me desarmó
Y yo le estoy agradecida
Y lanzad azúcar moreno
Sobre mi ataúd
Y quedaros despiertos
Hasta que vuelva otra vez la luz
Promete que me protegerás
A mí y a mi nombre en mi ausencia
Yo que vengo de las estrellas
Hoy me convierto en polvo
Pa’ volver con ellas
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